the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
