the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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