If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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