wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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