all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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