Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
