I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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