ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize