dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize