fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
No stitches, just platelets and will power
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
