You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
