I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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