Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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