He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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