Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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