everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Use "feeling words"
Yay
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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