two words: eviction party
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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