What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
