You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
