I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I enjoy the company of your penis
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
