I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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