I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
he laminated a picture of his dick.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
