dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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