i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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