i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
