and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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