Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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