I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
