and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
