Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
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