i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
