"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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