Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
