I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
