Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
