turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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