Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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