fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
he puts the penis in happiness.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
