i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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