Heybabeimwearingurpanties
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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