Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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