the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
