a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
