I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
