Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
