so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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