I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
