Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
