**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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