Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
