Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
