okay pat passed out under dana's car
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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