Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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