I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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