can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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