she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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