Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize