so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
