Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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