We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
