yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
