He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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