so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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