can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
