He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
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