Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
