dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
