WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
We need a shit load of segways right now
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
