i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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