got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
