Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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