sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
