yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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