nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
