Ambien. No doubt about it.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
