I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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