Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
