There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm bleeding and have questions
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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