he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
