No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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