I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
