Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize