this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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