At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
This show inspires me to have sex in space
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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