Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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