he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
