now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
My vagina just recognized that song.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
