I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
